I want the happiness that money can’t buy. The happiness that comes from watching the sunset as the ocean kisses your toes or gazing up at the stars at 2am on your balcony with nothing but a blanket and your thoughts. The happiness that comes from driving down the highway with the windows all the way down or dancing around your room to your favorite song. The happiness from tea and a good book on a Monday morning or from watching the flames of a summer bonfire surrounded by the laughs of your almost drunk friends. The happiness that you feel but can’t touch, that’s the happiness I want.
It hurts until it doesn’t. You think it’s going to break you, but it won’t. You may not sleep as well at night, but you will be fine. Numb, but numb and fine are the same.
Maybe we’ll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I’ll be right for you and you’ll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.
I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it.
I’m seeing so many fans write to me on Instagram and Twitter, or in letters, saying they’re having such a tough time with life, because they can’t imagine that we can experience such great pain, such intense loss, such insecurity. And the thing that I just wish I could tell them, over and over, is that we live for these fleeting moments of happiness. Happiness is not a constant. It’s something that we only experience glimpses of every once in a while - but it’s worth it. And I think that’s what they’ll take away from this movie.
“That’s all right,” she says, and I have to wonder how many times she’s said that to the people in her life who screwed her over somehow.
Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little.
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.